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"i wish we can just break-up and get back together so we can fall in love all over again." its hard to think that after all this time, i still love you more then you'll ever know...
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I finally, and offically got my closer. closer to an extent. i still think about you everyday, think about every little word you said to be. lyrics that we never listened to together still make me think about you. and yes, i think about you everyday. i think about how it used to be. doing little spoon big spoon, and being so comfortable. realizing that i was the main problem. i was all me, not being happy and positive. not loving you, everyday (i mean i loved you everyday, but care about other stuff too much) i am a liar to make myself feel better for my shitty life. but i never once lied to you about how i felt about you.

to be continueg....

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forever north is exactly where im heading.. pretty much as far away as i can get myself.
so, im joining the national guard, and im getting married next month. um... can i talk to
someone please. i think my head is going to explode. til' this day i just want to talk to one
person. one! just give me the time of day so i can have my best friend back. its weird to not
be able to talk to you about all the new music and movies that are coming out. i'm like freaking
out because i know, no one could ever be on the same page about this stuff like you are. it really
bothers me.

oh well. you win (what am i winning?), and you lose some (i have definitely lost some).
thoughts of the day... wasted.

<3

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so the get up kids are making a comeback and i am too stoked about this news. woo! not only that in january oatmeal cookie chunk will be back at all ben and jerrys. holy shit! i'm soo stoked! i can't handle most of the things that will be happening in 2009. blah, about time. 2008 has been soo horrible. i need this hahaha. other then that chest piece on tuesday. new pictures soon :D
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okay life... lets go right, shall we?

fuck man, life cant get better.. can it? bought a car, then the clutch decided to fall out. wtf? i cant handle much lately, and its driving me nuts. i just want certain things in my life to start lining up. it just sucks becuase i try really fucking hard to make things become a straight line, but something always has to happen. this is truely my luck! if anything i just cant wait for this year to be over. this has quite honesly been the worst year of my life. this year has made me such an emotional person. its pathetic. blah, what the heck.. this too shall pass, right? i hope. i'm staying positive! thats all i can really do. i've got some awesome friends, man. the people i work with, seriously they have been sooo understanding. i'm thankful for most of the people i've met this year. next year will be better. i can feel it :]

cleaning away the negative energy, and my room :p

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Valentines day 2008. you made me a mix for a certain hoilday we didn't celebrate. and for certain reasons i don't really want to remember i didn't listen to it. i should have. i could have saved us. something that is so non-exisitant now that it doesn't even matter. well, it shouldn't but it totally does. last night, death cab and thinking back to every moment i've ever spent with you. remembering what you told me on that mix. every single word. every thought and feeling i've ever told you about a certain song/lyric. its a tad bit pathetic that i still think about you almost everyday. knowing that when i heard "I'll fellow you into the dark" that i wouldn't be looking into your blue eyes that i loved so much, about ready to cry because i have never been as happy as i was with you. and because i was in love. listening to passanger seat.. every copeland song. california, and coffee. i know your happy and in love again! i try to be happy for you, because you have what you deserve. its just hard because its suppose to be me. being this depressed about someone that doesn't even remember a single thing that we once shared. i honestly don't really want to breathe sometimes. its soo hard to wake up, and wake up alone. nap alone while its raining. listen to music. talk about what i find passionate, due to its what we once shared! its so hard to be hurt this bad. everything we went through together we fought for with everything we had. i've never in my life experienced that much compassion, love, and loyalty like i did with you. big little spoon and big spoon. the affection we had for each other. kisses will never be the same. the floating lyrics of the bands that swam through our main streams for the last three years will forever and will always haunt me. i thought and always fought for love. only because nobody can tell me who i can and cant love. NO ONE! yet, you did. grow some balls! if you love or "love" me like you said you did you would have fought. they would have gave in. you just weren't strong enough to want to, and i think that what hurt the most. i hope you remember the thoughts and feelings when we went to the last death cab show and it started, passenger seat started and all you wanted to do was find me, cause that was our time. i hope you find me, again...
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"I miss the way you sing low
So I can't hear your voice over
The radio in my car
But you knew every word they sang
You know just the right thing to say when the
Distance rips us farther and farther and farther away
I'll see you soon

If you're coming back this way again
Come back from California
All of us here in Florida
Are starved for your attention
Are starved for your attention
Come back from California
All of us here in Florida
Are starved for your attention
Are starved for your attention

Maybe I fell too fast
Maybe I pushed you away
Now you're gone and I'm afraid
That you're never coming back this way again."

the things that kill me eternally. things, and items i see or remember. knowing that death cab is coming and for the first time im going solo. not with you! it doesn't make much sense to me. and i don't know why i'm going. music is no longer an enjoyment for me 'cause i no longer have that someone that was as musically inclined as i was, and talk about it. i no longer have that best friend that i miss soo soo much. it kills me to not have that person to just talk to. that was my favorite. just getting lost into each others conversations. i miss communication! everything i loved, you loved. its been awhile since i've felt the need to vent about it, but music always leads me back. i've never been has happy as i once was. nor laughed! i miss it all. its like i've lost myself. i have no idea who i am anymore, and i hate it.

-m.
Current Music:
deathcab.
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"smother me"



Let me be the one who calls you baby
All the time
Surely you can take some comfort
Knowing that you're mine
Just hold me tight, lay by my side
and let me be the one who calls you
Baby all the time

I found my place in the world
Could stare at your face for the rest of
my days
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
and Smother me
Warm and alive I'm all over you
would you smother me?

Let me be the one who never leaves
You all alone
I hold my breath and lose the feeling
That I'm on my own
Hold me too tight stay by my side
and let me be the one who calls you
Baby all the time

I found my place in the world
Could stare at your face for the rest of
my days
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
and Smother me
Warm and alive I'm all over you
would you smother me?

When I'm alone time goes so slow
I need you here with me
and how my mistakes have made
Your heart break
Still I need you here with me
Baby I'm here

Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
and Smother me
Warm and alive I'm all over you
would you smother me?

Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
and Smother me
Warm and alive I'm all over you
would you smother me?

Let me be the one who calls you baby
All the time

Let me be the one who calls you baby
All the time

Let me be the one who calls you baby
All the time

Let me be the one who calls you baby
The one who calls you baby
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coldplay. oh man, i miss things. i miss you! to think that i will probably never be as happy as i was with you. to smile, to actually be happy. my life was consumed by you. you were my whole world and thats where you stay for sure. i will always to consumed and haunted by thoughts and hope that someday i will be given another chance. that things will change. at times i wish you knew why things happened the way they did...
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knowing when you can make someone so happy
is the worst feeling in the world. especially when
they have know idea. i hate having a low self-esteem.

fuck.

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